


you want me (to fall on my head)

by daestruct



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, Zombie Apocalypse, baekyeol are weird, but the fun version!, byun really taking one for the team here bless him, chanyeol is so gross, magical assholes, whowhatwhenwherewhyhow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 07:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5083039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daestruct/pseuds/daestruct
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whenever Baekhyun does something as dumb as bringning home the cute zombie from the bar, he gets a hangover and Kyungsoo's voice nagging in his ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you want me (to fall on my head)

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. i wanted fun zombies but the prompter said no crack so this is what you get  
> 2\. idk about you but sex with a zombie sounds zero fun

In retrospect, Baekhyun should have realized that the guy who has draped himself all over Baekhyun's bed (and Baekhyun himself) is a bit of a strange creature. Actually, it probably would have done him well to stick with his two-week study plan of "no clubbing." (He'd lasted three days.) Or he should have listened to the news anchors that Kyungsoo makes him watch in the mornings talking about how currently, bringing strangers home and letting people get handsy is not a wise move. Kyungsoo has always been a bit of a worrywart though, so Baekhyun doesn't often mind him. Baekhyun does respect Jongdae though, and if Jongdae refuses to go clubbing, then something is seriously wrong.

So, yeah. It's the Zombie apocalypse, and Baekhyun has his priorities straight: sex comes first, second, third, and fourth, everything else comes fifth. (Food is important at the one and half and three and a half intervals.)

When Baekhyun wakes up after his night out, his memory fuzzy, he feels weighed down. He feels as if someone dropped a one-hundred-fifty pound blanket on top of him. What's strange about it is that he doesn't feel very warm (which is quite upsetting because Baekhyun hates being cold), but the "blanket" draped across him is most definitely breathing, and it's arm is slung over his stomach.

Baekhyun tries to inch away, but the shift only puts his nose in direct line with the person's breathing. He gags and turns his head away immediately. This guy has the worst morning breath Baekhyun has ever smelled, and that's saying something because he lives with Jongdae. It's like mold, and rot, and stale air, and the general scent of death. (Not that Baekhyun has ever smelled death, but he assumes that is would smell like this.)

Baekhyun, holding his breath and attempting to not remember that delightful odor, opens his eyes another half millimeter and slides them to his left.

The man draped over him is handsome, undeniably so, his hair wild and fanned across his cheek. His lips are full even if a bit pale and chapped, and his skin has that undeniable blue tinge and is beginning to rot and peel away. Panic and bile build in Baekhyun’s throat. He sees the man’s eyes are large and…open..

Baekhyun screams.

"Shit!" He lurches out of the bed, the arm and leg restraining him making him lose his momentum and he tumbles to the floor. "Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfu-"

"Baekhyun?" The call of his name interrupts Baekhyun's chanting, and he hurries to stand up lest the judging tone in the voice actually have something to judge him for. He hates when Kyungsoo acts like he's better than everyone (ok, a 4.0 GPA does not make someone a god, Do Kyungsoo!). "What are you doing in there?"

Baekhyun pulls on his pants and looks at the figure now sprawled across his bed. How he managed to stay sleeping (the Dr. Who quote "sleep is for the dead" comes to mind) during Baekhyun's screaming is a bit astonishing. The fact that he sleeps with his eyes open is even more astonishing, and the fact that, holy fuck, I slept with a zombie! has Baekhyun scrambling for his shirt, his breathing a little too rapid.

"Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo starts again, his voice still nagging. It's about that moment that Baekhyun feels the horrible headache pulsing behind his eyeballs. He stumbles out of his room, closing to the door quickly so that Kyungsoo can't see inside.

"Coffee," he grumbles, "hangover." Jongdae, Baekhyun's other roommate is suddenly there, a mug in hand. He passes it to Baekhyun who blows on it once before gulping the liquid down. Kyungsoo does that thing where he stares at Baekhyun like he’s crazy, and yeah, he probably is because he just drank fresh-from-the-pot coffee.

“Okay,” Jongdae whistles, “You’re doing that I-really-fucked-up thing.”

Baekhyun sputters indignantly, coffee-drool dribbling out of his mouth. “I didn’t-!”

“So what’d you fuck up?” Jongdae continues, completely ignoring Baekhyun wiping grossly at his chin with his fingers. Wordlessly, but with a look of total disgust, Kyungsoo hands him a napkin. Baekhyun take a moment to wipe away his drool and hand the napkin back to Kyungsoo.

“I went out last night,” Baekhyun admits very slowly. Kyungsoo throws his hands up in the air (he throws the napkin too. He’ll probably threaten Baekhyun until he picks it up later) and retreats behind the counter to continue making scrambled eggs on the stove.

“I’m so surprised,” he says. For the record, he doesn’t sound surprised. Jongdae waves his hand in a motion that Baekhyun interprets to mean “keep talking moron.” So he does.

“And umm, I got drunk,” he adds intelligently. He needs more coffee to deal with this. “And I might have brought a zombie home?”

Kyungsoo drops his spatula.

“What?!” Jongdae screeches. Baekhyun winces. Jongdae’s mouth is working like a fish out of water. “You had sex with a zombie?!”

Baekhyun scratches awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Uh. Yes?” Kyungsoo focuses intently on scrambling the eggs, his lips pressed together to avoid vomiting into the food. He’s always been a dangerous, sensitive little soul.

The door opens.

The three roommates turn and stare simultaneously. A harsh blush crawls up Baekhyun’s neck.

“Good mor-ning,” says the zombie. Baekhyun blinks a few times. He doesn’t really remember last night at all, but he’s pretty sure zombies don’t talk. Or have sex. Or not eat people. He twitches.

“Uh, hello,” Jongdae manages, adding a slight wave before he reverts to being totally frozen. To Baekhyun’s great astonishment, the zombie’s face kind of flickers? The corners of his mouth seem to tilt up the slightest amount almost like a smile.

“I am Chanyeol,” the zombie says, his words halting but clear. His voice sounds like he hasn’t used it in a while, and Baekhyun isn’t shocked at all by that fact. He doesn’t remember hearing Chanyeol (oh god he knows a zombie’s name he’s acquainted with a zombie) introduce himself last night, but then, he doesn’t remember anything from last night.

“He talks,” Kyungsoo says, voice deadpan. Then it’s like he realizes what he’s just said and he squeaks, jerking a little to the side. “He talks.” He grabs Baekhyun’s arm.

“Did you know this?” He hisses. Baekhyun blinks three or five times.

“Uh...no?” He whispers back, “I really don’t remember anything.” Kyungsoo smacks him, opening his mouth to begin a lecture on common sense and the dangers of alcohol when Jongdae seems to finally find his voice (this record of forty-two seconds of silence will not be forgotten) and shouts.

“You’re a zombie!” He’s pointing, but he looks delighted. Jongdae has always been a bit weird. “And you’re-” He cuts himself off, snapping his fingers. He looks confused, tapping his head for a word. Baekhyun sighs.

“I’m Baekhyun,” he introduces himself slowly, “How are you doing?”

The zombie nods his head slowly before, instead of answering Baekhyun’s question, he ambles over to where Baekhyun is standing. The shorter boy jumps a little bit, trying to stay out of the clutches of this man and his full lips.

Full lips that aren’t blue.

Weird.

“This is really strange,” Jongdae says, echoing Baekhyun’s thoughts. “I never expected a zombie in my house. And he’s animated!” He claps his hands together. “How does that work?” Kyungsoo grabs a magazine off of the table and swats him with hit.

“Don’t you think you’re obnoxious enough?” He sneers at Jongdae, but his eyes are wary as he head back into the kitchen.

“Yeah, but, like, Kyungsoo,” Jongdae says, pouting like a child and waving his hands around in an effort to come up with words, “How can you like-” He makes a kind of flying motion, and Kyungsoo’s stare is ridiculously heavy on his back as he tries to explain why his friend should be exited. “Umm. There’s a zombie. He is basically like us? Being human?”

“Oh,” Chanyeol says, surprise tinged on the edges of his gruff, mostly monotone voice. Baekhyun stares at the ease with which Chanyeol suddenly merges into the conversation. “It’s a legend among my kind. If a zombie-”

“You guys can talk to each other?!” Jongdae interrupts. Kyungsoo smacks him.

Chanyeol hardly reacts to this. “Mostly grunts,” he explains, “It works.” Jongdae looks fascinated. Kyungsoo is impatient.

“What’s this legend, exactly?” He asks. Chanyeol turns to look at Baekhyun, and his brown eyes are glowing, lit with warmth.

“Human interaction can bring a zombie back,” he says slowly, “Restore it’s heart. Physical affection is the best way.”

“Isn’t is supposed to be love?” Baekhyun murmurs to himself and blushes again. Kyungsoo gives him an odd look, and Baekhyun shakes his head to say nevermind.

“So what you’re saying,” Jongdae says, rubbing his chin, “Is that Baekhyun is curing you with his dick.” Baekhyun chokes. Chanyeol makes this odd croaking laugh.

“He...rode me,” he confesses. Baekhyun buries his head in his arms, stubbornly ignoring Jongdae’s obnoxious laughter. Chanyeol then pets Baekhyun, and his movements are jerky, but his hand is warm.

“I’m hungry,” he speaks with a smoother voice, his throat starting to move with his commands, “Feed me?”

Images of mutilated bodies and his own stomach torn out assault Baekhyun’s mind. “N-no!” He crosses his arms in an x in front of himself as if it will keep Chanyeol away. The zombie (not so zombie?) reaches out Baekhyun’s protective barrier easily.

"But I'm hungry!" Chanyeol whines. He tries to tug at Baekhyun's sleeve, but his clumsy, stiff fingers miss, and he ends up running his hand down Baekhyun's stomach instead. Baekhyun has to fight off the shiver running through his, but Kyungsoo and Jongdae's incredulous stares (and the awful smirk on both of their lips) tells him they've already seen his reaction.

No, he tries to tell them mentally, I do not have a Zombie kink!

"Baek!" Chanyeol says again. "I'm hungry!" He claws as Baekhyun this time, reaching to pull him back into his chest. Baekhyun's eyes shoot wide open and he stumbles sideways.

"You can't eat me!" He shouts, "Keep your mouth shut!" Chanyeol looks offended, or at least, that's what Baekhyun assumes his face to be doing. The nerves in his facial muscles haven't quite come back to life, apparently.

“Or me!” Jongdae chimes in. He playfully pushes Kyungsoo in front of him and receives a harsh jab to the ribs for his trouble.

Chanyeol’s eyebrow moves up and his lips twist. Baekhyun recognizes confusion, and he feels confused himself that he’s literally watching someone come back to life in front of his eyes.

“I don’t want to eat you,” Chanyeol says, voice still a bit grating, “I want-” His eyes light on the plateful of eggs that Kyungsoo had finished only a few minutes before and the freshly brewed pot of coffee.

Chanyeol ambles towards the kitchen, knocking over one of the barstools in the process and proceeds to stick his hand in the plate of eggs and stuff them in his mouth. Kyungsoo gapes, and Baekhyun can see he’s holding back frustrated screams and the need to hit something, but Baekhyun is mostly intrigued by the fact that the should-be-dead man who only eats brains and people in general is now eating eggs! Human food! Or well, food that humans eat. Chanyeol notices the spatula left sitting by the eggs and uses it like some sort of flat spoon to shovel more food in his mouth. Breakfast flies everywhere.

Jongdae nudges Baekhyun. “Does his face look less…” He makes a gesture. Baekhyun doesn’t know what he means, but he nods anyway.

“Yeah,” he says, “There’s less rot there.” Chanyeol then goes for the coffeepot. He grabs a mug (Kyungsoo’s favorite mug, much to Baekhyun’s roommate’s horror) and pours coffee in it. His jerky motions get the coffee all over the floor and his hand, but Chanyeol doesn’t even flinch, just keeps drinking the stuff. The three roommates share a wince from the temperature of the coffee and the mess they’ll have to clean up later.

The zombie-human-person looks up suddenly from where he's swallowing his fourth mug of scalding coffee.

"I feel..." he starts to say, and then he doesn't finish. He rushes off back in the direction of Baekhyun's bedroom, knocking into everything along the way. His shoe flies off, landing near Kyungsoo who recoils from the filfthy thing. The whole apartment seems to shake with the force of Chanyeol's blundering.

"He's so large," Jongdae states when the not-so-zombie-anymore has finally made it through Baekhyun's bedroom door, picking up the huge sneaker that Chanyeol left behind. He then leers at Baekhyun. "Is he...?" He makes a crude gesture at the front of his pants. Baekhyun plucks the sneaker from his friend's hand and wacks him over the head with it. Jongdae yowls in protest.

"Can't he control himself?" Kyungsoo interjects, "Is it so hard to walk calmly? Isn't he supposed to be, I don't know, not friendly and trying to eat us?" He points at the mess in his kitchen.

"Well, he is becoming human because of Baekhyun's magic asshole, apparently," Jongdae quips. He rubs at his head again where Baekhyun hit him.

"I think that's just him," Baekhyun mutters. "He's a bit...overbearing." Kyungsoo looks mournfully at his chewed spatula.

"No kidding," he deadpans. Jongdae cackles next to him.

"I think you've got yourself a keeper there, Baekhyun," he laughs. Baekhyun moves to tackle Jongdae to the floor and get his hands around his neck (mostly out of embarrassment over sleeping with a zombie) when there's a big crash from the bathroom.

"Baek!" Comes Chanyeol's low voice, filled with obvious excitement. Baekhyun pauses in his quest to end Jongdae.

"What did you do!?" He shouts back, mentally preparing himself for how much money he's probably going to have to pay to fix whatever the healing zombie broke.

"I can pee again!" Chanyeol shouts gleefully. And although that's good news in terms of Baekhyun not having to sleep with a zombie but rather a human if Chanyeol stays (he doesn't know when he decided it would be okay for Chanyeol to stay), the reactions around the room aren't nearly as pleased at Chanyeol's. Kyungsoo looks sick, muttering about his favorite coffee mug being in the bathroom and probably shattered and he's never going to find another one like that one, etc. etc. Jongdae chokes on his own tongue, torn between laughing at Baekhyun and crying because who the hell shouts about peeing? And Baekhyun...

Baekhyun simply assumes the fetal position and resolves to stay there until all of Chanyeol's humanity comes back.


End file.
